Losing a Loved One
It was seven years since my mom passed away and I was finally coming out of a rollercoaster of emotions. The first few years were extremely difficult. I closed my office, put my business on pause, and only worked with my VIP clients to maintain my living expenses.
After much advice, I decided to join an in-person and online support group. The online group was exclusive to caregivers of frontotemporal dementia. They were very transparent and shared many examples of the issues they experienced with their loved ones (LO). The online group was better than the doctors and nursing facility when it came to explaining what was actually happening physically and cognitively. I truly believe if the medical professionals shared expectations in the beginning, I would have been better prepared for how to process my emotions when Mom passed away.
Just when I'd think I was getting better, I would slide back into a depression. I tried to do things to keep myself busy, but I soon realized I was canceling and finding excuses to stay home. A friend and family member recommended I go to a doctor for a prescription. This was not an option for me. Since I am not a fan of pharmaceutical drugs, I didn't want anything to mask my issues and cause me more side effects. I was going to go through the process and find a way to cope.
“Just when I'd think I was getting better, I would slide back into a depression.”
the three-year mark, my son was getting concerned. I desperately needed to reemerge with a different focus. Instead of focusing on what I could've done better or missing Mom, I started remembering all the great times and the memories we shared. Then I asked for help. I scheduled an appointment with a licensed therapist to discuss my issues and find some steps to help me through the grieving and healing process. The seven stages of grieving* are:
- Shock & Denial
- Pain & Guilt
- Anger & Bargaining
- Depression, Reflection & Loneliness
- The Upward Turn
- Reconstruction & Working Through
- Acceptance & Hope
I started gathering the photo albums to create a coffee-table book but, then transitioned to writing down the memories and lessons Mom taught me. This led me to write and self-publish my mom's memoir, Babs. I laughed, cried, and reflected on how much we achieved in our forty-six years together. Although I wanted much more time, we managed to get so much accomplished. These were the words I shared with my mom the day before she passed. Now, I can channel my energy to sharing the blessings of an extraordinary woman.
*Source: Recover From Grief
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